@Shaun-C said in Conqueror from a Dying Kingdom - Corrections Topic:

Thanks all for the corrections.

@Libri-Liberorum said in Conqueror from a Dying Kingdom - Corrections Topic:

Need closing single quote after "way".

The closing single quote is in there, it's just hard to see because it's next to the closing double quote.

You're right that I didn't see it, but I think it is misplaced. The full paragraph, as it stands now:

"And yet you're telling me, 'Yuri, you should've been capable enough to guess what was going on before Carol drank the poison so you could stop her. You should've found a way. I'm not smart enough to predict things like that.'"

This is Yuri speaking, and putting words into Dolla's mouth. The conversation that Yuri is describing is (I think):

Dolla: Yuri, you should've been capable enough to guess what was going on before Carol drank the poison so you could stop her. You should've found a way.
Yuri: I'm not smart enough to predict things like that.

"I'm not smart enough to predict things like that" is Yuri speaking for himself, so it should not be inside the single quotes.

If "I'm not smart enough to predict things like that" is indeed Yuri's imagined Dolla speaking, then it is correct as it stands, but it makes much more sense to me in context that this is Yuri speaking directly.

Thank you for your work, and for explaining the khanate/khaganate bit.

Volume 6 part 17
19% - The thirty-second floor of Yokohama...

This should be Yoyogi, right?

67% - never been in Yoyogi

Do they mean floor 31 of Yoyogi or was never in Yokohama at the time of the blast?

v3p6:

60% - […] when being friendly. sieghart skillfully avoided […] -> Being both a character’s name and the start of the sentence, Sieghart should be capitalized. :) 80% - […] where a white outlinein the center […] ->Missing space: outline in 90% - confrimed -> confirmed 100% - The group felt as if only the silence and their sense of claustrophobia would continue to pile up without end. -> Should only be eliminated? Moved elsewhere? “The group only felt as if the silence and their sense […].” Or maybe “The group felt as if the silence and their sense of claustrophobia would only continue to pile up without end.” Not so sure about my first rephrasing, but I think that the second works. I’d still probably eliminate it, though. :)

@karasutengu said in Death of the Skeleton Swordsman - Corrections Topic:

Curion's couldn't enter or exit

Thanks! Should be fixed now.

Vol.5 pt.4

Around 66%
"Even though i was used to Liz's skinship, I was comfortable seeing all that skin and even less comfortable with..."

Sounds like he wasn't comfortable or was uncomfortable seeing all that skin.

68%

"It seems the appearance of the hot spring had caused a shock to the townspeople and they treated us like celebrities for defeating it."

While defeating a hot spring did happen, at least its destruction did, I believe the townspeople were more impressed by the defeat of the hot springs dragon.

2.6

humanly possible when someone else was just not an option

humanly possible when someone else was paying was just not an option
humanly possible when someone else was buying was just not an option

Act 6 - Part 2:

[82%] their god was the same.” >> there shouldn't be a closing quote here. (already reported) [94%] want revenge on my >> should be me

So it would take a while for the stuff to be made illegal, and even if that succeeded, the manufacturers would just take another page from the synthetic cannabinoid industry’s playbook (however inadvertently—but who knew, maybe the architect of this whole scheme was some bald creep from New Mexico a universe or two over from my old one who’d been cut the same break I had) and mix up the chemical composition just a bit to slip through the cracks.

This joke doesn't actually make sense because Walter White never engaged in manufacturing synthetic legal highs. He just cooked straight up illegal true blue methamphetamines, he prided himself on making pure meth. I'd humbly suggest either changing it or just dropping it.

Suggestion: V8P2: "Cusswords filed the air..." I'd use "Profanity" here instead. It's a stronger word IMO, and gives a better sense that the adventurers are really laying into Emille over her behavior.

9.5

The girl hadn’t dreamed of being a child again for some time. She had often had done so about flying when she was younger, but even her dreams had become realistic as an adult.

“She'd also often dreamed about”

We soon discoveredt Wridra wasn’t kidding

“discovered”

V2P9
39% I’d opted to use Quaternary Magic now -> Quinary
57% not only had he bolstered us with more generic spells than we’d ever cast on us --> we'd ever had cast on us or we'd ever cast on ourselves
66% In the Yellow Wall Vestiges, he’s barely used magic until we’ve gotten to the destination -> he'd

V13P2
66% Still, magic spells needed a chant of some kind, so the skeleton was using the time to silently recite something at ame. -> me

3.6

In fact, everyone, had heard of how he’d been killed

Delete second comma.

6.2

“Okay, let’s get going.”
With that clipped phrase

Nothing wrong with this, per se, but it's not a clipped phrase. From the given description of this dialogue, it should probably be something like “'Kay, let's go” or just “Let's go.”

8.5

I took out a pot and an earthenware pot from my magic bag.

I assume the default is “an iron pot” or “a cast iron pot”

4.4

Once collected they cured off the outer shell with their knives

“they hulled them with their knives”
IDK what “cured off” is supposed to mean. I think you were trying for “peeled off” maybe, but those who actually do it call it “hulling.”

For those wondering what we're talking about, walnuts are a stone fruit and somewhat resemble peaches or plums when on the tree. When ripe, the fruit splits and partially peels away from the seed/nut, which is chewy until dried.

“This isn’tt like spring,

“isn't”

v3p5:

99% - But Lynokis did not hear a single word I said—she was already off-putting in the practice. -> Uhh… Maybe: […] she was already off, putting in the practice. ? Off-putting (= provoking uneasiness, disturbing, etc) is not something that I see Lynokis being described as, at the moment.

Vol.8 pt.5

Around 67%
"Damian took a sip of the Lily had prepared for him..."

What did Lily prepare? It should be right after "the".